Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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