I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
