Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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