If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We got so high we made milksteak
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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