Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize