i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
