he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
