Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
