and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
