He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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