i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
