Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
