we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
