I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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