do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
