Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
