Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
