Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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