i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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