He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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