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• (407): View more from Florida

  You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld

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• (516): View more from New York

  i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second

  (631): View more from New York

  i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.

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• (209): View more from California

  you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  NO TEQUILA

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead

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• (858): View more from California

  They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while

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• (716): View more from New York

  You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina

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• (845): View more from New York

  Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun

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