I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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