Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
