The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
