I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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