i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
