And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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