Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
