i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
