I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
