Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
