im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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