Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
