It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
