So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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