i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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