i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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