I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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