She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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