So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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