dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
