glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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