I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
