What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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