in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
