So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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