he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
