He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize