Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
