just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
