You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
