Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
