I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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