somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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