I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would ride that face into the sunset
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
