I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
