remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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