I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
