Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
