Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize