woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
