Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
