I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
