I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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