Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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