Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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