woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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