she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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