I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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