I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
